Receive His Love for You

I wrote this meditation for my household sisters, but I wanted to share it with you on this beautiful Feast of Divine Mercy, which is an appropriate time to receive and rejoice in God's love. 

Since I read the meditation to my household sisters out loud, they were able to close their eyes. You won’t be able to do that, since you are reading it on your screen, but I encourage you to read slowly and pause to close your eyes when you feel inclined to do so.

Before you begin, I want to remind you to use your imagination, but don’t force yourself to think of a particular image just because you think that is the “right way” to pray. There is no right or wrong way to pray this meditation. Simply allow the Holy Spirit to lead you where He wants you to go during this time.

Call to mind God’s presence. Breathe deeply and slowly, and allow your mind to become quiet.

Now picture yourself and God together, however that may look. Maybe you are a little baby and the Father is holding you close to His chest. Maybe you’re about 5 years old and you are making mud pies or playing tag with the Child Jesus. Maybe you are your current age and you are sitting in the living room with the Father, just hanging out. Whatever image springs to mind, stay there in your imagination.

Now God looks at you. It is a look of deep, pure, knowing love. He sees you—for who you are, for all you are.

How does it make you feel? 

Can you meet His gaze? 

Now He says your name. What does His voice sound like? Hear Him tell you, “I love you.”

Now feel His love wash over you like a wave. His love washes over your head, comes down and ignites your heart, flows through your arms to your fingertips, and goes all the way down your back, through your legs, and makes your toes tingle. You are filled with His love. You are surrounded by it. You are breathing it. Now it is shooting out your fingers and toes like sparks or fireworks.

Stay there for a moment. Let His love fill you, refresh you, and strengthen you.

[silent prayer time]

Tell Our Lord that you love Him too. Thank Him for spending this time with you. 

Open your eyes.

God made you because He loved you and is loving you. This is the fact that matters. It is why you exist. It is why you are called a child of God. You have a choice whether or not to accept that identity and to respond to God’s love. It is a choice that you will have to make over and over again throughout your life, because love is more than a feeling; love is a choice.

What will you choose?

God-incidences

This past weekend, a household sister and I went downtown to the perpetual adoration chapel in one of the local parishes. It was about 9pm, give or take a few minutes, and we needed to ring the doorbell in order to get into the church. Just as I was about to push the doorbell, a short woman wearing a blue flowered shirt and a brown quilted coat opened the door from the inside. She jumped a little bit and we jumped too, startled to see somebody standing there. My household sister, B, said, “Well, that was good timing,” and made the nervous laughing noise that is her usual response to slightly awkward situations that she doesn’t automatically know how to react to.

“You startled me,” said the woman.

“Sorry about that,” I told her. She held the door open to let us into the church. I touched her gently on the arm as I passed by her and said that I hoped we had not startled her too much and to have a good night. 

She reached for my hand and squeezed it. “Thanks,” she said, and then “Oh! Your hands are so cold!”

“I know. They are always like that.” I moved to go down the stairs towards the chapel.

From the doorway she commented, “But you have a warm heart, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I said. She left and I turned to my household sister, who was already at the bottom of the stairs, examining the few posters on the wall asking for donations to the urban mission and advertising a consecration to Mary group. “Did you hear that?” I asked B.

“No, what?”

“She just told me my hands were cold. And then asked me if I have a warm heart. That’s the title of my blog.” We both had a minor freak out moment. It seemed like too much of a coincidence to be coincidence. I certainly saw it as Providence, but what convinced me of the fact was a nearly identical conversation with a different person not even twenty-four hours later.

I was again with household, but we were at a local nursing home for our bi-annual service project. We were there simply to have a little cake and coffee social with the residents. Upon arriving, I made eye contact with a little woman wearing a pink and white checked shirt and green pants, so I went over to say hello and talk with her. I gave her my hand and, of course, since I didn’t put my mittens on for the short journey across the parking lot and into the building, my hands were cold. Very cold. The first thing the woman did was comment on this fact and begin to rub my hands.

“Oh my. Your hands are cold.”

“I know. I should have worn my mittens.”

“But you have a warm heart, don’t you? I can see you do,” she said to me.

“Yes.”

What does it mean that two people, entirely unrelated to each other, neither of whom I had met before, should both have a conversation with me and tell me the title of my blog? I have no idea. All I know is that there are some things in life that can’t be explained simply by coincidence and seem to show us that there is Someone watching over us and calling out to us. These conversations reminded me of exactly that: God is there and He is calling to me at every moment.

Have you had any “coincidences” like this in your own life? How is God calling out to you through them?

Blessings from 2013

Yesterday it occurred to me that I didn't take any time to reflect on 2013 as it came to a close and the new year began. So I took some time then and there to make a list of the big blessings of the past year and the things that it taught me. Here's what I came up with:

1) Studying abroad - Being able to live in a foreign country for three and a half months and to travel all across Europe pushed me outside of my comfort zone many times. I learned more deeply of my own independence and uniqueness. I learned to trust that the Lord would provide for my needs and I learned to be more vulnerable with other people. Wonder became a constant attitude towards life. Friends were easy to make. Gelato and pizza were the staples in my diet for fourteen days.

2) A summer of service - I spent the summer of 2013 serving families at a Catholic camp. During this time I learned my own leadership abilities. Apparently I am great at directing people and delegating tasks; it became second nature to me by the end of the summer. Stillness possessed my soul during the first weeks of the summer and I came to understand what it is like to be detached from the craziness around me. When my physical, emotional, and spiritual strength shriveled up, I would beg the Holy Spirit to fill me with His strength and He always would. I experienced in a fresh way the weight of intercessory prayer: that God uses our words to heal and listens to our pleading on behalf of others. When I was together with the rest of the staff, I came to understand the power that each person's presence is. If someone was missing, the group dynamics shifted. I learned to maturely confront problems that I had with other people. Finally, I began to learn what it means to reach outside of myself to love others.

3) Household - This past semester was my first full semester in household. Growing in Christian friendship with my sisters taught me to be vulnerable with them. We cannot love and support each other if we do not share ourselves. Communication is key. I learned to share my faith with those around me, by speaking of what the Lord is doing in my heart. Several times over the course of the semester I found myself offering my bed to a household sister who really needed to take a nap and couldn't go back to her room at that particular time for whatever reason, and I learned again to sacrifice myself. Through conversations with my little and personal prayer, the Lord continued to deepen my identity as His Beloved.

4) Christmas with my family - It has been superb to be back with my family over Christmas break. My love for soup, baking, and reading resurged. I developed a love for playing guitar and watching high school basketball. Every single day I get to hug my family and tell them I love them. Even driving places with them is entertaining; our van seems like a clown car because we are all so tall!

5) Friendship - Probably the biggest blessings that came to me during 2013 were friendships with some pretty incredible people. Some were new friendships and some were older ones that have endured. These friendships have taught me that all relationship ought to be rooted in Christ and in Christian charity in order to be truly fruitful. They have challenged me to love other people selflessly, to see people as precious children of God who have the potential to be saints. Thanks be to God for my Alumni Corps Staff, all of my beautiful household sisters, Elyse, Allison, Grace, Yaya, Rachel, Dani, Becca P., Becca C. and Bry. I love you all. 

Almost There

In a few short days, I will be headed home for Christmas break.  It is hard to believe that this semester is nearly over.  Wasn’t it just a few days ago that Grace and I moved into “the bunker”?  And wasn’t it yesterday that I went walking on the Panhandle trail with Jess and Elizabeth?  But I realized this past week that I only have a few more days left!  My life is not going to be the same after this semester ends.  The people and experiences in my life will be changing as I move into the next phase of life as a college student.  Since I will be leaving main campus to study abroad in Austria next semester, I can clearly see the bend in the road ahead, and the page turning in this book. 

In nostalgia for the (recent) past, here is a quick rundown of some memorable moments this semester:

1) Being roommates with this awesome lady!  Grace has been an unexpected blessing in my life.  We have shared so many things this semester: laughter, tears, late night dancing to “At Last I See the Light,” TEXTING IN ALL CAPS, “the bunker,” and many many many other things.

2) Visiting St. Anthony’s Chapel with Jess, a household sister.  After going to the zoo earlier in the day with several other household sisters and intents, we decided to try to find St. Anthony’s.  We ended up making a couple of wrong turns and then having to sit in traffic on the highway for about half an hour.  But when we finally got there it was worth it.  St. Anthony’s holds the world’s largest public collection of relics…and it is only about an hour from my college!  The moment I walked in I could feel the presence of all the many saints whose relics are there.  I felt such peace there and knew that all the saints in heaven were praying for me.  Another reason why I think the communion of saints is so powerful to me is because I am an All Saint’s Day baby.  J

3) Joining household.  Those of you who read my blog regularly were just waiting for me to write this, weren’t you?  And I did.  But really, getting to know the girls in my household and coming to a deeper realization that God loves me has been such a blessing in my life!

And now, looking forward to the (near) future, here are some things I plan to do over Christmas break when finals are OVER:

1) Bake Christmas cookies – because they are yummy and I like to bake.

2) Go shopping – I really need some new shoes and a few miscellaneous things for Austria.

3) Go to all of my brother’s basketball games.  I can’t wait to see him play basketball, because I know that he has gotten a lot better since last season.

4) Go sledding if it snows - because sledding is fun! 

5) See the Hobbit movie

6) Just spend time with my family – because I am going to be away from them for 4 months.  That’s a long time.  And I haven’t been away from home for that long before!

Sisters

As I have mentioned in several preceding blog posts, one of the blessings of this semester has been joining a household.  Since some of you who are reading this post might not understand what a household is, I will give you a quick explanation.  In concept, a household is similar to a sorority or fraternity, but is rooted first and foremost in a life of prayer.  A household is a community of women (or men) who share prayer, fun, and all aspects of life together by living on the same wing in one of the dorms on Franciscan’s campus.  They commit to living out a common spirituality (a covenant) and support each other in becoming the fullest people that God wants them to be, saints. 

One joy that has come from joining my household has been getting to know the wonderful women in it, my sisters, better.  There is a particular person who I am so thankful to have gotten to know better over the course of the semester.  I am going to write this blog post about her.

I remember the first time I met this person.  It was at the end of fall semester last year and I was going to play floor hockey at Catholic Familyland with some friends (who are now my household sisters).  They had convinced this sister to come along with us to play, so we stopped by her “Height” (an on campus apartment) to pick her up.  From the conversation that went on in the car when she got in, I gathered that it had been “one of those days” for her.  But we had fun playing hockey together.  I thought this sister was a little intimidating, but I am not a super competitive person and she is. That is all I remember about meeting her for the first time and I don’t remember seeing (or re-meeting) her again for a long time because she left the next semester to study abroad in Austria.

This semester when she came back to campus (and I started visiting household), the person that I am writing this blog post about remembered me and I remembered her.  I am going to be honest – she still intimidated me.  But that didn’t last long.  Once I intented to household and started hanging out with her more, I realized that: 1) she has a soft heart and 2) she doesn’t like to show it very often.  Don’t be fooled…her teasing typically means that she likes you.  :) 

I saw a deeply sensitive and loving side of her after the death of her softball coach and a deeply faithful side of her during household retreat.  And earlier this week, when I wasn’t feeling well, she came to check on me.  This simple little action meant so much to me!  She also gives really good hugs. 

Basically, I am really thankful that I have gotten to know this household sister better this semester.  She is truly a big sister to me.  I am going to miss her soooo much while I am in Austria, but I hope we will be able to keep in touch through Skype and letters.

If you have lasted to the end of this long post, you are probably wondering who this person is.  In the words of a certain song written by another household sister about her, “Lauren Kuzma, that’s her name!”  The reason why I decided to write a blog post about her is because I was commenting this morning that I needed to write a blog post, but I didn’t know what to write about.  Lauren told me to write a blog post about her.  And so I did, because I love her.  Sorry that this blog post isn’t as good as the song that Dani wrote you, Lauren. ;)

To sum all of this up: Lauren Kuzma is a wonderful human being. 

Lauren and I at our household's ugly Christmas sweater party.  Unfortunately Lauren had already changed out of her sweater by the time we took this picture.  But she won the prize for ugliest sweater.  It was green with red bulbs and a shimmery garland stitched onto it.  It also had lights stuck into it, but unfortunately they weren't working.  

End of the semester update

I am a terrible blogger.  It is that simple.  And I shouldn’t make excuses for myself, but I will say that I waver between being comfortable with putting personal information on the Internet and being absolutely terrified by it.  That is part of the reason why I am such an inconsistent blogger.  But I really want to get into the habit of blogging now so that I can keep my blog updated while I am studying abroad in Austria next semester.

However, now that I have that rant out of the way, I will attempt to write about something more interesting.  For example, I am currently listening to a playlist on iTunes titled “MUSIC OF OUR LIVES.”  It consists of 11 songs that my roommate and I listen to frequently.  My favorite is “House of God, Forever” by Jon Foreman.  My second favorite is probably “Remind Me Who I Am” by Jason Gray.  Both of these songs remind me that God is always with me. And that is the kind of encouragement that I especially need right now.  Since it is so close to the end of the semester, I have been very unmotivated and burnt out.  All I really want to do is spend this dwindling time with household sisters who will be graduating in the spring.  Because I am going to be studying abroad in Austria next semester, these final two weeks of the semester are the last quality time I am going to be spending with them.  Even though I am planning to come back for their graduation I know that time will be hectic and I won’t really get to spend as much time with them then as I would like to.  But even though this is a bittersweet time of year, it is also really fun when I do get to spend time with household and friends. 

And actually, some exciting news about household is that… *drumroll* …I was inducted on Thursday night!  I am now officially a Carae Domini sister!  J 

That is all the exciting news I have for you tonight, folks.  Sweet dreams!