Make Your Home in Me

Break me open.
Alabaster jar smashed
Precious ointment cast
At Your feet.

I want whole healing,
Not half,
Not in patches, like scabs.
No. All.

So smash me,
Break me,
Do what You must to take me
And make me Your home,
Abode,
Tent,
Tabernacle,
Dwelling for a King.

Come, my Love,
Make Your home in me.

In My Office on a Fall Afternoon

Here I am again, inside this room.

A room with a view: green fringe growing up from the gutter, a footbridge scattered with leaves, and an austere old house blinded by the afternoon sun.

Yet here I sit, removed from it all, behind the bars of my blinds, trying to think think think...until the brain slips out of me and onto the floor. Oh no...not again!

Why does thinking require such great strength? And as much water as exercise?

A Harmonium Project Meeting in Leonardo's Coffee Shop

They filter in and greet each other, ordering their hot and frothy drinks at the bar.

One man is dressed in a white button-down, black pants over black socks and shoes...and a bright orange stocking cap. Another looks Chestertonian, with round spectacles, portly figure, and flattened curls. Some others are tall. And there's a single woman in a purple t-shirt.

A band of eight-strong crowded around a table, reminiscent of The Bird and Baby.

Culture matters. Let's resurrect our town.

Only in America

A thunderstorm passes by late Friday afternoon. I am forced to pause my work because the storm is so close and violent that it kills the internet for ten minutes.

Time to eat my muffin.

On a tired rainy afternoon, there's nothing like a warm muffin with the chocolate chips melty on your fingers so that you have to lick them when you're done eating. My conversation with my mom floats back to me as the seconds count down on the microwave.

"I made chocolate chip zucchini muffins this weekend," I told her.

She chuckled. "Only in America do we turn leftover vegetables into baked goods..."

Field Notes vol. 5: Procrastination, IKEA, & New Sewing Project

Something Ironic: Procrastination Leads to...

Being in the right place at the right time? 

Last week, I put off two errands I needed to run, figuring that I could do them later. Then the errands both turned into an opportunity to do something helpful for a friend.  I was able to take a load of donations to Goodwill for some friends who were moving, along with my items, saving them a trip when they were crunched for time. And when I finally ventured to Walmart to buy paper towels and a few other cleaning supplies, I was also able to pick up a back brace for a friend whose back was hurting. So that was cool. God used my procrastination to benefit others. How ironic is that?

Something New: IKEA

A friend and I went into IKEA for the first time ever this Saturday, but since we were unfamiliar with the layout of the store, we ended up going around it backwards. 

If you aren't familiar with IKEA, everyone is supposed to enter through the same door and follow the arrows on the floor through the entire store, until you get to the checkout line. Well, we skipped the actual store and went to the "self-serve furniture" area first. That's the warehouse section where you pick up your box of self-assemble furniture after you've already seen it on display. Yep. 

Eventually, my friend and I found our way to the display area of the store, which we enjoyed, but we were the rebels going against the flow the whole time. No marketing traps for us!

The trip ended up being quite productive, since my friend has been planning to upgrade a few things in her living room for a little while. We found some awesome coordinating pillows, lamps, and a cube shelf within her budget!

My Next Sewing Project: Coral Linen Dress

Here's a sneak peek at my next sewing project, a coral dress that I've been thinking about making for at least a year and a half. Now I have the fabric, a medium weigh Irish linen. Next step, wash and pre-shrink the fabric!

My goal is to finish this project by mid-September so that I can wear it to a wedding. That might be a bit ambitious, depending on how picky I decide to get about fit. We'll see.

A Great Piece of Advice

"God's plan included you, so make sure your plan includes God." Words of wisdom from a friend's dad. Amen to that.

Field Notes Vol. 4: Realizations

Something I've Realized: I'm Too Polite

This past week I attended a young adult event in Pittsburgh. There were about 50-75 people there and, after a short talk, there was ample time to mingle, buy drinks and snacks, and hang out. Well, someone I already knew started talking to me and, instead of politely moving on when the conversation turned one-sided, I stood there and pretended to keep listening. I kept thinking I should walk away from that group, but I wasn't sure how to do that. I wasn't assertive enough to do that. 

So it was a good reminder that I need to work on my mingling skills, particularly the art of gracefully exiting a conversation I no longer want to be part of. Here's to being polite, but not too polite!

Something I'm Thinking About: Holiness Is Ordinary

Speaking of that young adult event, the talk was about Pope Francis' most recent apostolic exhortation Gaudete et Exsultate, which I read a few months ago. The talk was a good refresher and gave me some food for thought this week, specifically this idea: that holiness is found in doing our ordinary tasks more perfectly.

It is hard sometimes to be attentive to the ordinary things, so this definitely presents a challenge. For example, I need to focus more on my real work instead of being distracted by checking email. I need to take the time to prepare a good meal for myself instead of rushing to do more activities. I need to be present to God during my prayer time instead of letting my thoughts chatter endlessly.

Yet, I also find a lot of hope in this idea. It means I am already on the right path. I don't have to grasp at something more or different. No, I simply have to do what I am already doing with God and for God. And that's great! I can do that.

Something I'm Trying NOT to Do: Cram Too Much In

Almost every second of every day, I am making a list. I have to-do lists, to-buy lists, to-plan lists, to-schedule lists, to-tell-people lists, parties-to-host lists, books-to-read lists, and the list goes on... 

Can anyone relate to this? Seriously, it feels like my mind is a never-ending whirlpool of things I need, should, could, want, dream, plan to do. Most of the time, I can effectively channel this energy, but every once in a while I try to cram too much in, to get too much done in one day, or to schedule too much in a single week. And that's not good, because then my calendar becomes my to-do list and it's harder to be present, because after this, I'm on to the next thing...

So I am trying to pace myself. Am I doing a good job at that? Well, I did decide today to procrastinate on taking the recycling out and dropping some donations at Goodwill. I guess that counts as pacing myself.

Field Notes Vol. 3: Ordinary Time

Something Old: Sunday Brunch

My favorite family tradition is having brunch together after Mass on Sunday. Although I wonder if I should even call it a tradition because it is so informal. We just come home from Mass, cook something yummy, and linger at the table after we're through, chatting and laughing.

Even as a single person, I maintain this tradition most weekends by either having brunch with friends or taking the time to cook a nice meal for myself. It is a good reminder to me that each Sunday is a little feast, a time to rejoice and celebrate the gifts Our God has blessed me with. 

How do you celebrate Sunday? 

Something New: My Porch Garden

After two summers of wanting to grow something, I finally created a mini garden on my back porch! It's pretty simple, because I didn't make a plan or build any planters or start seedlings. I just went to Lowe's, bought a few herbs, a flower, and a tomato plant on sale, and put everything in old pots I'd collected. A co-worker also gave me a few extra plants she didn't need for the landscaping at work; those went along nicely with the red dahlia I bought.

Most days, I eat breakfast and dinner on my porch. My new garden is a cheery addition to that space.

Something I Finished: Josephine Blouse

The blouse I posted about a few weeks ago is finished! Last weekend, I looked at the unfinished blouse laying on my sewing table and said to myself, "You're so close. Why don't you just finish it?" And then I did. It took me about an hour to attach the cuffs and redo the neckline finish that I was having trouble with.

It's hard to take a selfie in the mirror...

As the first sewing project I've done for myself in a long time, I'm happy with how it turned out. Plus, the pattern was simple and easy to follow. The pattern maker, Rae, includes super simple directions for different seam finishes, which I wasn't familiar with before this project. Seam finishes are so much easier than I thought!!! Sure, it adds a little extra time to the construction process to finish all the seams, but it is worth it because all of the raw edges are enclosed and then the garment looks professional inside and out.

I would definitely make the Josephine Blouse again, but I might try the next size up. I made the XS for this version and it is just a little snug under the arms. Not uncomfortably so, but enough that I'd like to try the S next time and see if the fit is better.

Something Worth It: Taking Communion to the Nursing Home

Once a month, I take Holy Communion to two nearby nursing homes. I have to get up early on Sunday to go to the 8:30 Mass, but it is so worth it! The thirty people I visit make me smile. Here are a few scenes from my visit last weekend.

If it's possible, I like to sit down next to the person I'm with while we pray the short prayers before Holy Communion. But sometimes, I have to squat next to their chair or bed instead. After Tillie received Holy Communion, I stood up again and this was her reaction: "Wow, you're tall! You should go to Pittsburgh and be a model!" 

At Ruth's room, I knocked on the open door before going in. "Who is knocking?" she said, a bit grumpy until I told her that I was there with Holy Communion. "Oh yes. Do I know you?" I remind her that I've been there before and tell her it is good to see her sitting in a wheelchair instead of in bed. 

And then there is Michael, a man of great prayer, who never forgets to tell me, "Thank you for bringing Jesus to me." 

Field Notes Vol. 2: Camping Trip, 5k Club, and More

Something Relaxing: Canoeing and Camping in the Boundary Waters

Last week, I went with some friends on a canoeing and camping trip in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area (BWCA). The BWCA is a canoe-only wilderness area that borders Minnesota and Canada. This was my first backcountry camping trip and I really enjoyed it! 

Look! I caught a fish! 

Being on the water every day, fishing, taking naps in my hammock, hanging out by our campfire, and spending a whole week outside was refreshing for my soul. I feel more relaxed and focused than I have been in a while. Plus, being away from my regular activities for a while always gives me a better perspective. 

Something New: Steubenville 5K Club

This morning I was able to check out a new activity: Steubenville's 5K Club! I came across the Facebook group a month or two ago, but wasn't able to make it to any of the runs until this morning. The group runs twice a week: Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings. Each week the route changes to cover a new part of the city, which is a super fun way to explore! 

It was good to get out of the house and get a run in, since I haven't been running much in the last two weeks. Vacation threw me out of routine. I'm ready to get going again and meet some new people along the way.

Something I'm Reading: Wise Blood by Flannery O'Connor

Actually, I finished this book on Thursday evening, but here we go. Wise Blood is one of two novels by Flannery O'Connor. Because of her Gothic style and unattractive (but very human) characters, Flannery is an acquired taste. Many people don't like reading her stories. But I've always found them interesting, so I thought I'd give this novel a try.

In the foreword to the book, O'Connor describes it as a "comic novel." The word comic is deceptive; the book is not funny, but quite serious. It's a comedy in the sense that it has a happy ending, not a tragic one. By the end of the book, the main character seems to finally understand the impact of his sins and the need to do penance for them. 

Here's one passage I love that shows O'Connor's master craftsmanship and wry sense of humor. Watch for the punch line at the end. 

"The black sky was underpinned with long silver streaks that looked like scaffolding and depth on depth behind it were thousands of stars that all seemed to be moving very slowly as if they were about some vast construction work that involved the whole order of the universe and would take all time to complete. No one was paying any attention to the sky." 

Something Precious: A Flower

As I was coming into the coffee shop to write this blog post, a little girl handed me a purple petunia. I'm pretty sure she picked it off of the potted plant on the sidewalk! But still, the unexpected gift brought me joy. It's the little things!

Field Notes Vol. 1: Half Marathon, Skirts for Lucy, and More

Something New: Freshly Painted Bedroom

Two weekends ago, I finally did a project that has been on my list for months: repainting the larger bedroom in my apartment. Now I'm (mostly) moved into that room and loving the new, bright space. I chose a light shade of purple called "Lavender Cloud." Some mornings, it does feel like I'm waking up in a shimmering cloud.

Something Old: My First Half Marathon (13.1 Miles)

At the beginning of this month, I did something that I never thought I would do when I began running five years ago. I ran a half marathon! 13.1 miles without stopping!! (If I was better with timely posts about significant events, I would have made time to write about this sooner...but oh well.)

My dad came down to support me and watch the race!

Wow, it was a crazy journey. I started training in mid-February, running on the treadmill while winter was fierce and toughing out longer runs in the chilly March wind, once the snow was melted. Going from running 1-2 miles two days a week to running 3-5 miles five days a week took some adjustments. When I started training, I didn't fully realize how much time it would actually take. Or how much more I needed to eat (yay, carbs!). Or that my knees and hips would hurt every time I walked up the stairs. But after I got used to the new schedule, adjusted my diet, and accepted the fact that I am a slow runner, training went more smoothly.

And the race itself? It was amazing. Perfect weather: 60s, cloudy, no rain. As we were starting out, the course went under an overpass and everyone cheered to make it echo. That was the moment I knew it was going to be a fun day.

I'm the blurry person in the middle, wearing the pink headband.

Just before the race, my spiritual director sent me an email of encouragement with Hebrews 12:1-2: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God." 

That verse was the perfect meditation for my run. I didn't listen to music, so my mind kept coming back to different parts of this verse, especially because I was offering my run for special intentions that family, friends, and coworkers had given me.

After the race, I was overwhelmed and happy to find friends waiting for me at the finish line! (T brought me flowers!)

My finish time was 2 hours, 45 minutes. Average pace per mile: 12 minutes, 30 seconds. I ran the whole time, no walking, which I wasn't sure I could do. But I put one foot in front of the other and kept going. Thanks be to God!

Something I'm Reading: The Hidden Machinery: Essays on Writing by Margot Livesey

In high school, I didn't like analyzing literature. I wanted to approach each story with no expectations and get lost in it. Also, because most of the story writing I had done up to that point was based on "inspiration," I didn't understand that writing is a highly intentional act.

Now that I've grown as a writer and make my own strategic choices, I realize how helpful analyzing other writing can be. It helps to see how a story or an argument is put together. What makes it convincing? What makes it exciting? How do you express and awaken emotions?

That's why I like this book. Margot Livesey is trying to peel back some of those layers to help you read more deeply. At the same time as she analyzes well-known literature, Livesey weaves in her own experience as a writer. It's lovely.

Something I'm Thinking About: Next Big Goal

What is my next big goal going to be? (Now that I'm finished training and running a half marathon.) Some ideas:

• Develop my sewing hobby: plan projects to work on, learn more about garment fitting, get/make a dress form, go to a sewing workshop, set up a studio space
• Plan and save for a pilgrimage
• Make a reading plan/goals

Something I'm Making: Skirts for Lucy + Blouse for Me

I recently finished two skirts for one of my coworkers. She gave the fabric and patterns to me back in November, but I took on too many projects at once. So didn't get around to finishing them until this week. My favorite is the pink one!

I'm also working on a blouse for myself. It's very close to completion; I should set aside an evening to finish it up. But I hate cutting bias tape. And I have to do that in order to finish the neckline. Thankfully, it's not too much bias tape. The fabric is pretty, isn't it?

Leaky Faucet

There's a man I know who is like my leaky kitchen faucet. Sometimes, when least expected, he dribbles pure emotion, water falling into the half-full glass below. What to do with that? Know he cares and move on.

Watching My Friend Be a Father

Smiling baby eyes, quick heartbeat, dimpled cheeks, shrill laughter. Up, swinging over his head and launched—just for a moment—into thin air, before bouncing back down into safe hands, loving arms. Realize, little one, that I will always catch you.

When I Come Home from Work

When I come home from work and turn up the heat, the house stretches and yawns, like an old woman waking up from a nap in her rocking chair when her grown-up child lets himself in the back door.

5 Things I've Learned from 1 Year of Work

Wednesday marked one year since I started my current job. This is my first "real job," meaning that it isn't a seasonal, part-time, or volunteer position, but a paid full-time job. So, making it one year is an achievement for me. In honor of that accomplishment, here are five things I've learned from my first year of work.

1. Life Is Fluid

Our organization changes constantly: staff members come and go, departments are reorganized, and roles change. Updating our organizational chart has made this concept really tangible for me, since I move the boxes around, delete lines, or add names every time there is a change...and there always seems to be another one.

However, our organization isn't the only thing that is fluid. Life never stops changing. Over this past year, I've had to adapt as people move away, friends get married, and my siblings keep growing up. (My brother is engaged now.) Change is simply part of life. I'm learning to embrace it, but it is a hard, slow lesson.

2. College Gave Me a Foundation

A couple of months ago, I felt like I didn't actually know how to do my job. So I started to do some reading: What do I need to know to become a successful copywriter?

The answer: I already know the basics. Now that I have read more about copy writing, I've realized that my study of writing in college, especially of persuasive writing, gave me the foundation I needed for my profession.

• Know your audience and what they are interested in.
• Know your purpose for writing.
• Make an outline.
• Answer all of the audience's objections to your argument.
• Back up your claims with proof.

All of these items are essential parts of writing about your product or service in such a way that people will want it.

I have plenty more to learn about copy writing, email marketing, and free lance writing, but it was a relief to know that I have a foundation. I know enough. I don't have to be an expert right now.

3. Draw Benefit from Everything

Through a series of conversations with MAK, plus reading a book called The Intellectual Life, I started to think about how each project at work, each email to a coworker, and each meeting can be a moment to grow. Each of these, even the most mundane, is an opportunity.

This paradigm shift has been important in helping me to set and work towards professional goals. If each task is an opportunity, how is the task in front of me helping me to grow as a writer, a professional, or as a human being? Something good can be drawn from it.

4. Do Nice Things for People. (They Notice.)

This lesson is self explanatory, but I'll give you an example anyway.

Last Friday, as she was leaving the office for the weekend, my boss gave me a nice thank you card--just because. Her card signaled to me that people are truly impacted when you go out of your way to do your best for them, whether that is through respect, good work, or acts of kindness.

"Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are." -St. Teresa of Calcutta

5. Rest Is Crucial

Work is hard. Sometimes I forget that, because I am doing mental labor instead of physical labor. It doesn't seem like I should get tired, but I always do. So, rest is crucial to restoring my energy and refreshing my mind.

I have learned, this year, that rest can take many forms. Sometimes going for a run is a form of rest for me, since exercise helps my mind catch up on all the things it needs to process. At other times, my rest takes more conventional forms, like reading a book or sleeping in on the weekend. I need to do these things, because rest gives me the refreshment and perspective I need before I focus on my work again.

These are just a few of the things I've learned from my work this year. What has your work taught you?

Receive His Love for You

I wrote this meditation for my household sisters, but I wanted to share it with you on this beautiful Feast of Divine Mercy, which is an appropriate time to receive and rejoice in God's love. 

Since I read the meditation to my household sisters out loud, they were able to close their eyes. You won’t be able to do that, since you are reading it on your screen, but I encourage you to read slowly and pause to close your eyes when you feel inclined to do so.

Before you begin, I want to remind you to use your imagination, but don’t force yourself to think of a particular image just because you think that is the “right way” to pray. There is no right or wrong way to pray this meditation. Simply allow the Holy Spirit to lead you where He wants you to go during this time.

Call to mind God’s presence. Breathe deeply and slowly, and allow your mind to become quiet.

Now picture yourself and God together, however that may look. Maybe you are a little baby and the Father is holding you close to His chest. Maybe you’re about 5 years old and you are making mud pies or playing tag with the Child Jesus. Maybe you are your current age and you are sitting in the living room with the Father, just hanging out. Whatever image springs to mind, stay there in your imagination.

Now God looks at you. It is a look of deep, pure, knowing love. He sees you—for who you are, for all you are.

How does it make you feel? 

Can you meet His gaze? 

Now He says your name. What does His voice sound like? Hear Him tell you, “I love you.”

Now feel His love wash over you like a wave. His love washes over your head, comes down and ignites your heart, flows through your arms to your fingertips, and goes all the way down your back, through your legs, and makes your toes tingle. You are filled with His love. You are surrounded by it. You are breathing it. Now it is shooting out your fingers and toes like sparks or fireworks.

Stay there for a moment. Let His love fill you, refresh you, and strengthen you.

[silent prayer time]

Tell Our Lord that you love Him too. Thank Him for spending this time with you. 

Open your eyes.

God made you because He loved you and is loving you. This is the fact that matters. It is why you exist. It is why you are called a child of God. You have a choice whether or not to accept that identity and to respond to God’s love. It is a choice that you will have to make over and over again throughout your life, because love is more than a feeling; love is a choice.

What will you choose?

Not Your Normal Trip to the Grocery Store

Today, instead of driving to the grocery store to pick up an onion for my chili and some salad for this week’s lunches, I spontaneously decided to walk there. I know. That’s not a normal person move; but, the weather was nice, the grocery story is only about a mile from my house, the neighborhoods are safe, and I’m young…so why not?

The walk there was dandy. Nothing to report.

As I was returning from the story with a string-pack on my back and a cloth bag full of groceries in each hand, I was thinking, “I must look ridiculous…people will think that I’m a bum…that I don’t belong in this part of town….” Then suddenly, “There are people who do this everyday.” 

It’s true. There are thousands of people in the world—probably more—who have no other means of transportation other than their own two legs. They don’t have a car, and they are not able to access a bus or train system, or they might be too poor to afford it. They have to walk anywhere they want to go. They walk to work, walk to the grocery, walk to church, walk to the library, walk to the pool, walk to everywhere. I am sure people get used to it eventually, but that still takes dedication in a world that is constantly zooming around past you.

I began to think about how not having a car to drive would affect me. I have a 20-minute commute one-way to work, so if I didn’t have a car, I wouldn’t have my job. I couldn’t have my job. It would be too far away from where I live for me to walk, and no bus could get me there (or anywhere close).

As I was walking and thinking about this, I felt a sense of solidarity with those who are forced by their circumstances to walk wherever they need or want to go.

Solidarity is not a new idea or experience for me. After all, that was part of what my time living and working in a maternity home was all about. Most of the moms had to walk, or ask friends for rides, before they came to live at the home. (Once they got there, we were able to provide them with bus passes, thanks to a grant.) I felt like I was really experiencing a small part of their lives—and others’ lives—by walking, even if it was only for this one trip.

It was good to be reminded of people other than myself and what their experience of life is like. My circumstances truly are a blessing.

These Days

In case you were wondering, here is a glimpse at what I am up to these days, when I am not working or traveling.

What I'm Knitting    

 

A lacy stole made from a blend of super kid mohair and silk. Imagine: very soft, fine wool. I've been working on this project for nearly a year, and I'm almost finished. As you can see from the picture, my final ball of yarn is dwindling quickly. I have really enjoyed this project, especially working with this yarn, so I will be a little sad when it is finished, but then I will have the satisfaction of finally wearing my stole! "I like your scarf." "Thanks, I made it."

The story behind this project is that I bought all of the materials for the stole, and even started knitting it, when I was a sophomore in high school. That was around 8 years ago. Apparently I didn't have the dedication to follow through with the project then, even though I thought it was pretty. Last spring, while I was job hunting, I rediscovered this project in my stash and determined to finish it. To do so required tracking down the book at the local library that had the pattern in it, since I had never bothered to write it down and simply kept renewing the book! Thankfully, the book was easy to find. I checked out the book, photocopied the pattern (just in case), and started knitting.

While working on this project, I finally figured out how to knit and watch TV at the same time. Hence, rows and rows of this stole came forth from my needles while watching the 33rd season of "Survivor" and plenty of "MASH" episodes with my housemates.

What I'm Growing

Aloe vera. Isn't it beautiful?

This particular plant used to dwell in a much smaller, bright orange pot. I bought it last May or June; it was on clearance at Kroger. Although I enjoyed the plant and watered it on a regular basis, I didn't pay much attention to it. Then, in September or October, I realized that it had outgrown the orange pot. There was a whole family of aloe plants in that tiny pot!

This led to a Google research adventure. I learned the best type of soil for aloe, that baby aloe plants are called "pups," how to separate and re-pot the plants, and so on. My original aloe plant had four pups last fall.

And guess what? It has more pups now! There are two largish pups, which you can see in the picture. They are in the front right of the pot. Then, there are three or four wee baby pups that are just peeking out of the soil. They are beautiful and delicate. (If aloe can be delicate.) Unfortunately, you can't see them in the picture, so you will just have to take my word for it.

Plants are one of my newly discovered enjoyments, so you can look forward to more posts about plants in the future.
 

On Being Content

It’s fascinating which conversations stick with you and drift around in your thoughts for a while.

A few weeks ago, when I was talking to a friend on the phone, she asked me, “Are you content?” Her question was timely. The week before that, I had begun to realize that nothing in my life was broken. Rather, everything was quite alright; so, I had no reason to be discontent. Instead, I decided, I have every reason to be grateful for the people and circumstances that are currently part of my life.

Both my friend and I were beginning to understand that we can have sunny sky days and disastrous Jonah days, feel elated and downtrodden, and still be content with our lives. As human beings, we have the ability to exist at a place within ourselves that is deeper and more foundational than our emotions. Although our emotions are legitimate reactions to our circumstances, they are immediate and fleeting. We always need to take them with a grain of salt, so to speak. This has been an important lesson for me.

So, that’s why my friend asked, “Are you content?” She saw that my answer would tell her more about my life than my current emotional reaction.

The answer is: yes, I am content. My lifestyle is simple, but I have a great deal of freedom, since I only have myself to take care of right now. My job challenges me to learn about and try many styles of writing—from administrative memos, to marketing emails, to event ads. The people I work with are striving to know God and do His will. I have two fantastic housemates who make me laugh, put up with my occasional grouchiness and my tidying spurts, and love great music. (The Oh Hellos, anyone?) My friends live all over the country, but they are just a phone call (or plane ride) away. I have met some new people over the past month or two, and I am hopeful that new friendships will develop in time. I’ve gotten comfortable with being at home in the evening and doing nothing but knitting while watching TV.

Most importantly, I am content—or rather, at peace—with my relationship with the Lord. When I can’t sense His presence, it can be tempting to think that I’ve gotten something wrong, or that I need to fix our relationship by trying some other devotion or prayer. But I don’t think that’s what He actually wants. In those times, I think He asks me to trust that He is still leading me.

Prayer is a gift from Him. So, whether I am distracted or bleary-eyed, I am thankful that He gives me the grace to make my effort to be with Him each day. And I am content to wait until He reveals Himself to me.

“For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation.” –Psalm 62:1

All Is Gift

I don't remember this morning's Mass readings. But I remember that Father's homily was about gift.

He defined a gift as "something you don't deserve that is freely bestowed on you." The giver does not expect to receive anything in return, but gives from the abundant generosity in his heart.

Father went on to ask us: "What gift has God given you? How does He want you to use it?"

Often, I forget that I even have a gift. I forget that God has given me the capability to understand and express ideas through words. The gift of writing. 

I just write. I don't think about it. 

Last week, we received two responses to the monthly newsletter that I write for the company I work for. Both were positive comments on the quality of the email. This morning, another person responded to a different email campaign I wrote, saying they were grateful for our prayers and support. 

I wrote those emails. 

God gave me the gift to touch others through words and that happened. They were moved. They saw a glimpse of His goodness.

How thankful I am for this gift! 

What gift has God given you to change the world with? Ask Him to help you use it!

How that One Random Shoe Ended Up in the Road

For the last few months I've been going to Art Club, an informal gathering of artists that my friend MAK started. Now, Art Club isn't exactly what it sounds like. We look at art and talk about it; or we have a discussion question like, "What does it mean to be an artist?" We had never made art—until this past Wednesday.

Since no one had volunteered to facilitate our discussion for this week, MAK decided that it would be fun to do a little free writing with jazz music playing in the background. I've always been terrible at free writing. Maybe because my perfectionist side has trouble relaxing and letting the thoughts flow. My inner editor gets overly focused on the details of sentence structure, diction, and punctuation, which makes free writing more like torture than riding a roller coaster.

But on Wednesday night at Art Club, I let my thoughts carry me away. The result? I wrote fiction for the first time in about two years! It was exhilarating. I'd forgotten how much fun it is to make up stories.

Just for fun, here is one of the fictional scenes I wrote this week. The only edits I made were to add paragraphs. Enjoy! 

"How that One Random Shoe Ended Up in the Road" 

Even when you think your day cannot get any more awful, it will. Trust me. I've been there.

My boyfriend dumped me that morning. I spilled red Kool-aid all over my new white shorts. And then, as I was crossing the street to get in my car, I stepped in a pothole, with a car coming down the road toward me, and I couldn't get my foot back out. It wasn't a particularly large pothole, but it was large enough that my foot (and I have big feet) could go in it. Why my foot wouldn't come out, I have no freaking idea, but that car wasn't slowing down and I was like, "Holy crap, I'm going to die."

So I bent over, untied my shoe, and booked it across the street without it. And what do you know, that damn car hit the pothole and my shoe sailed through the air at least 25 yards and landed in somebody's driveway. He was just backing out and squashed my tennis shoe flat as a pancake. 

I swear this all happened in the space of 75 seconds.

Virtue of Victory

I used to consider myself a patient person, but no more.

Over the past six months, I’ve been through multiple transitions­­—leaving a volunteer program, moving three times, starting a new job—and each of these circumstances tested my patience in a different way. When leaving the volunteer program, I was impatient because I could not talk about the transition and didn’t know when it would happen. Lack of response to dozens of job applications left me wondering if I would just have to work at Taco Bell. My new job suits me, but during the beginning weeks I found myself often frustrated that I didn’t know how to access necessary information, where to get mailing labels, and who could answer questions about which project. 

Perhaps these circumstances are not worth losing patience over, but I frequently did. (And I still am. I was impatient over a project I was working on yesterday, because someone had decided to edit it before I was finished.) The waiting, the frustrations, made me uncomfortable and I wanted to speed the process up. I wanted an immediate answer. 

These transitions and my feeling impatient have led me to think about what it truly means to be patient. Merriam Webster Dictionary defines patient as: “able to remain calm and not become annoyed when waiting for a long time or when dealing with problems or difficult people.” Patient people never lose their inner peace. They realize that everything will work out in the end.

Patience seems linked to perseverance. Delays, difficulties, and disasters will happen, but patient people keep going in spite of all that. They wait for the plant to grow, the rain to come, the consolation to whisper peace. If the answer doesn’t come when they expect it or if a difficulty appears in their path, they persevere in calm. Eventually, the waiting ends and the patient have gained all that they waited for.  

Patience is victory.